for those of you following along with, not only with my bible journaling, but my weekly planner writings, it will come as no surprise to you that i struggle with fears and anxiety over new things.
i admit that i love my routine and my same old, same old lifestyle. imagine then, throwing a jury duty summons to that equation and it equaled a boat load of worry about the unknown. my husband drove me to the court house so i could see where i had to go and for most people that would have been enough to squash any fears. my mind doesn't ever shut off. it whirls about at 100 mph with thoughts of, where will i park?, where do i go when i get inside?, what kind of case will i get?, where are the bathrooms?, will people be friendly?, what if i have to stay the whole week?, what if i get a murder case and get sequestered?, etc. as you can see, it is just basic nonsense that i have no control over, so why can't i let it go?
well low and behold, jury duty happened yesterday. i had such anxiety, even when i was seated in the jury holding room that i literally thought i would throw up and faint. it took nearly 3 hours for me to calm myself down and be okay in that new environment. i prayed continuously and i'm sure that is why i didn't actually throw up or faint. as the day unfolded, i was not picked for the jury panel my name was called for and i was allowed to go home in the middle of the afternoon.
the entire time i walked to my car i was thanking god for getting me out of there. i was mentally and physically exhausted from the dread and nervousness that whole situation caused. it seems so silly that such a mundane, non ordinary situation can cause such internal havoc. logically i know that. i am trying to tame the inner body to make that connection.
so when i read "be strong and let your heart take courage" it is a reminder of what i am working on this year for myself - to be brave and do things with out fear and let nothing hold me back. i want to be like a lion; fierce and courageous, however, yesterday i was more like the cowardly lion in the wizard of oz. but i have faith that with god all things are possible. roar